The myth of male clairvoyance

Eileen Edwards asked:


is a myth that many women seem to believe or act as though they do. That’s the myth of male clairvoyance. In other words the idea that we don’t have to share information with the men in our lives. They can just somehow pick up on it.

It’s not clear to me how this myth arose or why people buy into it. I do know that it can be highly damaging to relationships.

Here is an example of the clairvoyance myth in action. Jan’s partner Craig had a long Christmas break that stretched into the New Year, Jan worked part time, just a few hours a couple of days each week. Without speaking to Craig she simply decided that they would go to the January sales on the last day of his holiday.

She wanted to buy some specific househols items. She felt that Craig being on holiday gave them a good opportunity to visit the sales together. Craig had no notion of her plans and she was surprised to see him wearing a suit on the day of her intended visit to the sales. Most of the time Craig dressed in smart casuals. She told me that she thought, “he’ll go around the shops looking smart”. It didn’t occur to Jan that he might have other plans. When Craig announced that he was meeting a friend to play snooker she became upset and annoyed. Craig stormed off to snooker beginning an argument that went on for weeks

It was not unusual for Craig and Jan to shop together for domestic items or clothes. He did not mind accompanying her to the shops. What he did mind was being taken for granted. Put another way he resented the fact that it had not occurred to Jan that he might have other plans.

It’s presumptuous to assume that your life partner will never have plans that don’t include you and will always be available.

The argument could have easily been avoided if Jan had told Craig about her plans to visit the sales and asked what might be a good day for him to accompany her.

The moral of this story is don’t expect men to be mind readers. Talk to the men in your life about what’s on your mind, sometimes the issues in question will be much more important than a trip to the sales.

Above all listen, hear and attempt to understand their views. Don’t be tempted to simply assume that your partner will always be available or want to join in with your plans. Imagine how you would feel if the positions were reversed.

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